


Behind The Scenes

by VividDayDreamer



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Acceptance, Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Don’t copy to another site, Friendship, Gen, Hiding Medical Issues, Keeping Strong, Medication, Secrets, Social Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 14:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19428097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividDayDreamer/pseuds/VividDayDreamer
Summary: That voice over the phone was always so cheerful, inquisitive and friendly.  They were the traits that Carmen latched onto while being isolated on V.I.L.E. Isle.  Eventually, they became the closest of friends, despite the distance that separated them.  But there was more to Player than he let on.  There was a reason that distance was there to begin with, and why his comfort zone remained on the other side of the call.





	Behind The Scenes

**Author's Note:**

> **Possible Trigger Warnings: Depression, Medication Usage**
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> 
> It's been more than a hot minute since I've written for this fandom, and I found this sitting around to get published. It's darker than I'd write for this series and had been holding onto it, thinking I'd be able to slip it in when I finally got around to writing new content, but circumstances proved false. So, rather than holding onto it for eternity, I'm publishing it here (part of my purging). I'm sorry if it's outside the norm of what you guys normally expect from me. 
> 
> Please heed the warnings to see if it could upset you.
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>   
> 

"Alright player. I'm signing off for the evening. Enjoy the weekend."

"You too Red. Be careful hanging out with Ivy and Zack tonight. Sounds like they get a bit crazy when they're out at pubs."

"Oh I know. They can definitely stir up some trouble, but...they're a lot of fun. You really should come out with us one day."

"Yea...maybe," he said without much enthusiasm.

"One way or another, we're dragging you out of that cave, it's good to get some fresh air once in a while you know."

"Uh huh," he said, trying to brush off the whole idea.

"We will."

"Hrmm. Kay. Well, I'll let you get to it. I can hear them in the background shouting for you."

Carmen laughed, "Yea, I should. I'll talk to you later Player. Goodnight."

"Night, Red."

  


With the click of the call, Player turned his attention to the screens surrounding him, looking at what to focus on next. When it came to hacking, efficiency was key, and to do so, meant that he needed as much real estate as he could possibly get, in order to work on various tasks at the same time. That, translated to the multiscreen rig setup that he had established, and was one that he constantly upgraded as he found better ways of doing so. 

As he gazed upon the windows of code and network schematics, and watched lines of monitored chat lines scroll by, he realized that he wasn't really paying attention to any of them. His mind was wandering.

  


"Friday night, eh," he mumbled to himself, as he shot his basketball up at the net, watching it fall perfectly into the hoop. He had perfected his aim over the years, so the toy no longer provided him with any challenge. It was mostly a way for him to divert his attention to something other than what was plaguing his mind.

  


For other kids his age, by now, they'd be out partying, hanging out with their friends, or finding some way to celebrate another end to a long week of classes and work. By that was not him. It never was.

For as long as he'd remembered, his preferred domain was there, in his room, at home. He was left to his own devices, having the capability to do almost anything from the touch of his keyboard. But, this didn't all start out by choice. When he was very young, his doctors had detected a medical condition that was causing both he and his parents much difficulty. It was intrusive, preventing him from sharing a normal childhood life like his peers. At the age of six, he'd already been seen by multiple therapists and was on a cocktail of various medications, with his parents monitoring to see which combinations would work best for him. But that was long ago. Now, in his later-teens, they've solidified which drugs to use, how frequently he needed to take them, and more importantly, he'd learn how to manage his symptoms. The latter was mostly credited to the number of interactions with various medical professionals, as each of them attempted to find ways for the boy to cope with his condition.

His mental and physical self had been improving over time with what the doctors and therapists had prescribed, but it took years to get to where he was now. With all the treatments he'd undergone, he lost out on being a regular kid and doing what others his age should have been experiencing. As he got older, the lack of interactions and relationships started to take a toll on him. And, as his fate seemed to have it, another whirlwind of problems got the best of him, all caused by yet another condition. Depression.

His parents had had him treated for that too, and what did that result in? Another set of medications, more therapy sessions and more isolation. Now though, his thoughts started to get the better of him. He was a bit introverted by nature, but the lack of social interaction over time had caused him to feel even more withdrawn from the world, making him feel extremely uncomfortable, and at times, very irritable. Between all his issues, he would've probably gotten worse over time, but, it wasn't until he started dabbling with computers that he thrived.

Technology had been his best friend, seeing him through all the tough times when no one else could be there. His interest originally started from trying to understand how to fix his computer one day, when it had somehow caught a virus. He didn't know anything about it or how he got it, but it got him curious. His parents had provided him with a spare machine and he did a lot of digging until he was able to recover his computer on his own. It was during that process, that it opened up a door for him to want to learn more of how something like that, something uninvited, could invade his life from outside the confines of his room.

Suffice to say, his interest had bloomed, and with an outlet to focus all his attention to, he started to get better. He was happier, he was motivated, he had...purpose. And, it was through a series of self-inflicted challenges that he had accidentally found employment with a company that contracted to people with his abilities. His job consisted of finding vulnerabilities in their network and security. The white hat hacker life. Over the course of time, things were finally starting to get back in order, but, there was always that hidden curveball. Depression.

It reared its ugly head at random points in time, usually caused by some trigger; a trigger that could be something so small, and unless he had been paying attention and was lucky enough to know that it was a trigger to begin with, he generally fell victim to what would follow next. He was always the latter. He never fully understood the cause for these bouts, even if his therapists had their assumptions. The sudden lack of motivation to do anything, the withdrawal from anything that dealt with the outside world, the sadness, the lack of worth, would all rain upon him in a downpour of emotions, leading him to do the only thing he knew to do, let it consume him until it subsided.

Experience had taught him well, so he knew how to dig himself out of it, but only if he was emotionally ready to do so. Without rhyme or reason, the first phase usually meant that he just let it get the best of him, before he could crawl out of it. If he could. If he wasn't watching how much he fed this demon, he easily fell down that slippery slope and into its clutches. At that point, even the best of help would struggle to return him back to "normal". His therapists would mention that it was a masochistic tendency he had, concluding that perhaps it was built by habit over time and became somewhat ritualistic, and in a way, comforted to him to some degree, like a reality check. One that told him that even with creating a "safe environment" for himself, he was still easily susceptible to the insecurities he had deep inside. They tried to reason and talk to him about this tendency, but, they could only talk so much, and it would only work if the patient was willing. He tried, but it was and still is, a struggle.

And that was where he was today. The beginnings of another episode. Of course, he kept the knowledge of his problems away from Zack, Ivy, and especially Carmen. He had had been friends with her for a long time, even during the worst of all his afflictions, but he could never bring himself to open up to her about it. He didn't want to be a burden. He didn't want to be pushed away. He didn't want to lose her friendship. And, he didn't want to feel ashamed. Not to mention, he felt that in most cases, Carmen relied on him. As far as people went, Carmen was his best friend. A real friend, or, at least the only person he could converse with when he needed to. He often wondered what it would actually be like if they physically hung out sometime, but he never fully felt comfortable with the idea. To him, Carmen was such a different person than he was. In a way, almost polar opposite. She was very much extroverted, from what he could tell based on all the conversations they'd had, and he was far from that. He didn't feel like they would have much to do together, or really even talk about, unless it was about some caper or involved technology. He'd pretty much given in to the idea that socializing in the real world wasn't going to be his thing.

He kicked his basketball across the room, then walked over to the mini fridge that was hidden in the corner, and pulled out another can of Monster. The energy drink was his fuel and was always well stocked with them. He popped open the top and went over to his med counter, popped open a few bottles, then swallowed his dosage with a gulp of his drink. When he returned back to his computer, he turned towards the monitor where he kept more of the unimportant tasks and opened his playlist, turning to one he frequented when this mood hit. Immediately, a wave of melodic and instrumental notes surrounded him, immersing him in a emotional pool of sorrow, regret and pain. It was a depressive scenario by all definition, but it gave him solace. He needed this. The lyrics sung by Linkin Park's former lead singer, Chester Bennington, echoed deep in his heart and mind, as he found comfort in his words. He let several moments pass as leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes and just letting it all sink in. Then, after majority of the verses had been sung, he straightened up, took a deep breath with determination, then returned his focus to the monitored chats of the dark web.

  


**Author's Note:**

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> I'm always open to hear your thoughts and feedback. Feel free to leave a comment, or find me on [Tumblr](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/).
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